Not Really What I Wanted to Hear

So. I haven't talked much about my own wrestling with the birth process and things because, well this was an infertility blog and there's only so much you probably want to hear about my internal wrestlings over epidurals or no....but I will say that after quite a bit of reading, your advice to investigate doulas, a very affirming birthing intensive class at a local yoga studio -- I have felt a sense of calm about the birth process -- knowing what I preferred going into it, trusting my body to be healthy and not betray me (as I'd felt for so long struggling with infertility which had nearly crushed my own belief in my body) -- so, in sum, I was at peace -- dare I say even.. excited.

And then this morning I had my 37 week OB appt. where I learned two things:

1. I am group b strep positive -- thus -- no laboring at home if water were to break -- directly to IV antibiotics without passing go. I understand why but I am still sort of bummed out about it.

2. They detected a slightly elevated protein level (+1 according to my clinics rating system) -- and a slightly elevated blood pressure -- though it was lower on the second try. I did notice that when I took my BP at home my diastolic pressure was in the 85 - 90 whereas in previous testings it was 65-70. If my protein remains elevated or were to go higher -- as with the BP -- and of course any other symptoms -- then I will be induced -- though it was unclear as to when that might happen.

They want me to keep an eye on other symptoms -- which of course has me evaluating every tinge --(did that abdominal cramp the other night signal something foreboding...)

Suddenly I am back on the medicalized bandwagon.

When the OB told me I actually said "shucks" -- I wanted to say 'fuuuuuuuck' -- but I was trying to be ladylike. "Darn." So Minnesotan of me.

So, any words of wisdom always welcome.